The gift of feedback

Feedback is all around us. Everywhere we look there are people, animals and machines ready to give us feedback - to tell us what we've done well and where we can improve. I've always been a strong believer in the value of feedback, even the most self aware person cannot always know the impact they have on others unless they are told how their efforts have been received. I'm still a strong believer in feedback, but I have to admit, sometimes it can be tough to give and even tougher to take.

A few years ago I wrote my thesis on the factors that influence giving, seeking and responding to feedback and although I didn't find anything other researchers hadn't already discovered, I learnt first hand the importance of receiving feedback from trusted sources, structured in a particular way.  

I can't say after all that learning that I'm excellent at either giving or receiving feedback, but as I grow my career I'm learning how valuable feedback is for growth and sadly, how potentially crushing it can be if it is not given or received with someone's best interests in mind. I've also learnt that there are many other factors that can influence the effectiveness of feedback; such as the giver/receivers mood, their level of confidence and self esteem and how able they feel to act upon feedback and make changes. 

Now I am going to make a statement that I believe many may disagree with: change is hard. 

Some will disagree believing that change is only hard if a person doesn't want to change. Others will say it's only hard because making changes means we need to exert effort and therefore not wanting to change just makes us lazy. I believe change is hard because fundamentally, we dislike being wrong. 

Receiving feedback which suggests we need to change ultimately means we are acting incorrectly in something we are doing. Being the giver of such feedback, transpires in that person being correct. Wanting to be right and disliking being wrong is human nature. Being the receiver of feedback which begs you to change is therefore hard to accept. However, the simple act of giving change inducing feedback gives us the opportunity to be right and who doesn't want to be right?! 

This is what makes change hard: admitting that we are not always right, that there could be a better way and allowing someone else to take the limelight.

So, before you reject what you're told and retreat to your burrow to lick your wounds, truly look at the feedback you have been given, evaluate it and work with it. It might not be useful, it may even be coming from a bad place, but, especially if the feedback you're receiving is becoming a theme, it may actually hold weight and perhaps, however hard, it's time to make changes.